Texas, You've Done It Again!
Another Day, Another Shooting
So, Texas, you're at it again, huh? Another shooting. I'm starting to think you guys have a competition going or something. Like, "Hey, Dallas, you had a pretty good one last week, but watch this, Houston!"
I mean, I get it. It's tough being a big state with a lot of open spaces and, apparently, a surplus of folks who think the best way to solve a problem is with a gun. But come on, people! We can't just keep blaming it on mental health or video games. It's like saying every time someone crashes their car, it's because of bad driving simulators.
Who's the Culprit This Time?
Now, let's talk about the star of today's show: the shooter. I'm not going to name names because, frankly, I don't want to give them the publicity. But let's just say they're probably not winning any parenting awards. And if they were on a dating app, their profile would probably say something like, "Looking for someone to share my love of guns and conspiracy theories with. Must be okay with erratic behavior and questionable life choices."
What's the Deal with Texas?
I'm starting to think Texas has an image problem. It's like the kid in school who's always getting into trouble. Sure, there's barbecue, cowboy hats, and friendly people (most of the time), but let's be real - the state's got a bit of a wild west reputation. It's time to clean up the act, Texas. Maybe invest in some anger management classes or something.
How to Stay Safe in Texas (Probably)
Disclaimer: I'm not a safety expert. This advice is worth exactly what you paid for it: nothing.
- How to avoid being in a Texas shooting: This one is easy: don't go to Texas. Just kidding (kind of). Seriously though, try to avoid crowded places, especially if you see someone acting suspicious. And if you do find yourself in a situation, play dead. Or at least pretend to be really interested in your phone.
- How to survive a Texas shooting: If you're unlucky enough to be in the middle of a shooting, the best thing to do is probably run. If you can't run, hide. And if you can't hide, fight. But honestly, I'd stick with running.
- How to cope with the stress of living in Texas: Therapy. Lots of therapy. And maybe a move to Canada.
- How to explain to your kids why there are so many shootings in Texas: Tell them it's a really bad video game that a lot of adults are playing.
- How to convince Texas to change its gun laws: Good luck with that.