The Texans' Kicking Conundrum: A Foot in the Door to Nowhere
So, you've heard the rumors, the whispers, the outright disbelief: The Houston Texans don't have a kicker. Not a single one. It's like they're playing a real-life version of Madden on rookie difficulty, where the kicking option is permanently greyed out.
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| Why Do The Houston Texans Not Have A Kicker |
The Curse of the Lone Star State?
Is it a curse? A strategic ploy? Or simply a cosmic joke at the expense of Texans fans? Let's break it down.
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One theory is that the Texans are secretly training up a legion of secret agent kickers, who will emerge from the shadows to deliver the most clutch field goal in NFL history. Imagine the drama! The suspense! The merchandise! It's like a real-life version of Mission Impossible, but with less Tom Cruise and more extra points.
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Another theory, perhaps more grounded in reality, is that the Texans are simply trying to force the NFL to rethink the rules. Maybe they're aiming for a world where every touchdown is worth eight points, or where teams can attempt field goals from anywhere on the field. It's a bold strategy, Cotton, let's see if it pays off.
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The Psychological Impact
Not having a kicker is more than just a football problem. It's a psychological warfare. Imagine the mental anguish of a Texans fan as the clock winds down, the score is tied, and their team is in field goal range. No kicker? Just a big, empty space where a kicker should be. It's like staring into the abyss, and the abyss is staring back, saying, "You're never going to win."
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How to Cope With a Kicker-less Texans
If you're a Texans fan, you're probably wondering how to survive this kicker-less ordeal. Here are a few tips:
- Learn to love two-point conversions: Embrace the chaos. Every touchdown is now a high-stakes gamble.
- Start a support group: Find other Texans fans and commiserate. Misery loves company.
- Take up knitting: Or any other calming hobby. You'll need something to distract you during those crucial final minutes.
How To...
- How to become a kicker for the Texans: Easy! Just show up to practice and kick a really long field goal.
- How to survive a Texans game without a kicker: Stock up on snacks, alcohol, and patience.
- How to convince the Texans to sign a kicker: Offer them a really good deal on a really bad kicker.
- How to start a support group for Texans fans: Find a local bar and order a lot of beer.
- How to cope with the inevitable disappointment: Remember, there's always next season. Or the lottery.
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