UChicago: The Mail Order Giant of Higher Education
Is Your Mailbox a Black Hole Leading to Hyde Park?
If you’ve ever applied to the University of Chicago, or even expressed a fleeting interest in looking at a brick on their campus, you know what I'm talking about. It's like they've got a printing press running 24/7, churning out enough paper to fill the Grand Canyon. Seriously, I’m starting to suspect they're secretly logging my internet searches and sending me targeted mail based on my late-night Wikipedia binges about obscure historical figures.
Tip: Take a sip of water, then continue fresh.
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| Why Does Uchicago Send So Much Mail |
The Mysterious Case of the Endless Postcards
I've received more postcards from UChicago than I have from my own family. It's like they're trying to recreate the Wild West out there, sending missives with tales of academic adventure. “Want to ponder the nature of existence while sorting through your mail?” they seem to be asking. I'm starting to think they’re training us for a real-world version of Escape Room, where the prize is… well, probably more mail.
Tip: Don’t just scroll — pause and absorb.
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The Paper Avalanche: A How-To Guide
- How to Build a Fort Out of UChicago Mailers: Surprisingly sturdy. Just don't expect it to withstand a water balloon fight.
- How to Become a Paper Airplane Champion: Practice makes perfect. And by practice, I mean receiving countless brochures.
- How to Start a Compost Pile: UChicago mailers are surprisingly rich in... well, paper.
- How to Line Your Birdcage: Your feathered friend will thank you. Plus, it's a conversation starter.
- How to Annoy Your Roommate: Pile it high on their side of the bed. Classic.
So, what’s the deal, UChicago? Are you trying to kill trees, or are you secretly a paper manufacturer in disguise? Either way, please, for the love of all that is holy, slow down. My mailbox is starting to resemble the aftermath of a confetti cannon.
QuickTip: A quick skim can reveal the main idea fast.
Disclaimer: This post is written in jest and does not reflect any actual animosity towards the University of Chicago. I'm actually quite impressed by their dedication to marketing.
QuickTip: If you skimmed, go back for detail.
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