Feastables in the Big Apple: A Quest for Chocolatey Goodness (and Mild Existential Dread)
Okay, folks, let's talk about Feastables. Not the kind you find at a medieval banquet (though, wouldn't that be epic?), but the actual Feastables, the brainchild of a certain YouTube personality who may or may not own a few Lamborghinis. You know the ones. The chocolate bars that promise to transport you to a realm of pure, unadulterated deliciousness (or at least give you a sugar rush that'll make you forget about your student loan debt for a solid 20 minutes).
So, you're in New York City, the concrete jungle where dreams are made of... and then immediately crushed by the exorbitant cost of a tiny apartment. But hey, at least you can drown your sorrows in chocolate, right? The real question is, where do you find these elusive Feastables? Fear not, fellow chocoholics, for I have embarked on this quest myself (and lived to tell the tale, mostly).
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| Where To Buy Feastables In New York City |
The Great Feastables Hunt: My (Slightly Humiliating) Journey
The Usual Suspects (and Why They Might Fail You)
You might think, "Oh, I'll just pop into my local bodega!" Bless your heart. While bodegas are a treasure trove of unexpected delights (I once found a pickle-flavored lollipop – don't ask), Feastables are a bit too… internet famous… for your average corner store. I mean, they're not exactly selling them next to the lottery tickets and the questionable hot dogs.
Then there's the supermarket. You'd think a place that stocks 17 different brands of yogurt would carry a trendy chocolate bar, right? Wrong. I spent a good 15 minutes wandering the aisles of my local supermarket, convinced I was losing my mind. I even asked a store employee, who looked at me like I was asking for a unicorn-flavored ice cream. (To be fair, that does sound delicious).
QuickTip: Read actively, not passively.
The Digital Frontier (and the Potential for Click-Induced Carpal Tunnel)
Ah, the internet! The place where you can buy everything from a life-sized cardboard cutout of your favorite celebrity to, presumably, a small country (if you have enough Bitcoin). Feastables are readily available online, of course. But where's the fun in that? I wanted the thrill of the hunt! I wanted to feel like Indiana Jones, but instead of a golden idol, I was seeking a milk chocolate bar. (Okay, maybe not exactly like Indiana Jones. More like Indiana Jones with a serious craving for sugar and slightly less danger).
The Unexpected Savior (and the Sweet Taste of Victory)
So, where did I find them, you ask? Well, after a few more failed supermarket expeditions and a brief existential crisis in the candy aisle (Do I really need this much chocolate? Yes. Yes, I do.), I stumbled upon a specialty candy store. A tiny, unassuming shop tucked away on a side street. And there they were! Feastables! Glorious, foil-wrapped glory! I bought them all. (Okay, not all of them. I left some for the other chocolate-starved New Yorkers).
QuickTip: Pause at transitions — they signal new ideas.
My Pro Tip (You're Welcome)
Look for specialty candy stores, particularly those that stock imported or trendy items. They're your best bet for finding Feastables in the wild. Also, check online retailers (obviously). And maybe, just maybe, whisper a little prayer to the chocolate gods.
FAQs (Because You're Probably Wondering...)
How to find a specialty candy store in NYC?
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A: Google Maps is your friend! Search for "specialty candy store" or "chocolate shop" in your area. You can also check out local blogs and websites that review candy stores.
How to know if a store carries Feastables?
Tip: Slow down at important lists or bullet points.
A: Call ahead! It's always better to be safe than sorry (and chocolate-less).
How to avoid the existential dread of not finding chocolate?
A: Carry a backup chocolate bar. Seriously. It's a lifesaver.
How to justify eating an entire Feastables bar in one sitting?
QuickTip: A careful read saves time later.
A: Tell yourself it's "research." Or that you're supporting small business (if you buy it from a local store). Or just embrace the moment and enjoy it!
How to resist the urge to buy ALL the Feastables?
A: This is a tough one. Maybe bring a friend who can restrain you. Or set a budget. Or just give in and buy them all. You only live once, right? (Just kidding... mostly.)
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