So, I Did a Thing... I Left New York City (Gasp!)
Okay, folks, let's get one thing straight. This isn't a dramatic "I'm leaving New York because I found myself in Bali" kind of story. Nope. This is more of a "New York and I had a good run, but my bank account and sanity needed a break" saga. So, grab your favorite beverage (mine's currently a lukewarm cup of tea – very on-brand for a newly-exiled New Yorker), and let's dive into the hilarity and mild despair that led to my departure.
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| Why Did The Author Leave New York City |
The Concrete Jungle Where Dreams Are Made Of... and Apartments Are the Size of Closets
New York City! The city that never sleeps! Or, more accurately, the city that never lets you sleep because your neighbor's having a drum circle at 3 AM. I moved to NYC with stars in my eyes, a screenplay in my pocket (which is still there, by the way), and the unwavering belief that I'd become a fabulous writer while living in a shoebox-sized apartment.
Spoiler alert: I did become a writer (sort of), but the shoebox remained a shoebox.
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The Rent Is Too Damn High (And So Is Everything Else)
Let's talk about rent, shall we? I'm convinced that New York landlords are secretly plotting world domination using their exorbitant rent checks. I swear, my landlord was probably funding a small country with the money I was giving him for a space that could generously be described as "cozy."
And it wasn't just the rent! Everything in New York is expensive. A single avocado could bankrupt a small nation. A decent cup of coffee? Forget about it; you might as well take out a second mortgage. I once calculated that I spent more on lattes in a month than I did on groceries. Priorities, people.
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The Subway: A Thrilling Ride (Literally)
Ah, the New York City subway. A place where you can experience the full spectrum of human emotion in a single ride. Joy when you find a seat, fear when the train screeches to a halt in a dark tunnel, and mild annoyance when someone's boombox is blasting polka music at 7 AM.
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I've seen things on the subway that would make your hair curl. A man serenading passengers with an opera solo, a woman knitting a sweater while riding a unicycle, and, of course, the infamous "Pizza Rat" video (a true New York icon).
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So, Where Did I Go?
Okay, okay, enough with the New York bashing. I didn't leave because I hate the city. I left because I needed a change. I needed a place where I could afford to buy groceries without selling a kidney, a place where my apartment wasn't smaller than my refrigerator, and a place where the air didn't smell vaguely of hot garbage and desperation.
I've moved to [Insert Your New Location Here]. It's… different. There are trees. And birds. And people who smile at you on the street without wanting anything in return. It's a bit of a culture shock, but I'm slowly adjusting. I even bought a car! (Don't judge me.)
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The FAQs (Because You're Dying to Ask)
Here are some burning questions I know you have:
- How to survive a New York apartment hunt? Start early, have your paperwork in order, and be prepared to offer your firstborn child as a deposit.
- How to avoid getting mugged on the subway? Keep your valuables close, avoid eye contact, and maybe carry a decoy wallet filled with expired coupons.
- How to find affordable food in NYC? Cook at home! (Just kidding. Trader Joe's is your best friend.)
- How to deal with noisy neighbors? Earplugs, noise-canceling headphones, and a strong sense of inner peace are your allies.
- How to know when it's time to leave New York? When you start considering selling your soul for a slightly larger apartment, it might be time to re-evaluate your life choices.
So, there you have it. My New York story. It was a wild ride, filled with laughter, tears, and a whole lot of overpriced pizza. Would I go back? Maybe someday. But for now, I'm enjoying the peace and quiet (and the lower cost of living). And who knows, maybe I'll even finish that screenplay… eventually.
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