You Too Can Be a Part-Owner of the Everything Store: A Hilarious Guide to Buying Amazon Stock
Ah, Amazon. The two-day shipping behemoth, devourer of local bookstores, and our source for literally everything from spatulas shaped like sloths to emergency supplies of gummy bears (don't judge). But did you ever dream of going from clicking "add to cart" to...well, clicking "buy stock"? That's right, you too can become a miniature Jeff Bezos, minus the rocket ships and questionable haircuts.
 |
| How To Buy A Share In Amazon |
Step 1: Abandon Your Cart (Metaphorically)
Before you go on a spending spree to buy enough Amazon stock to fill your Prime Pantry, hold on there, McFly! You'll need a brokerage account. Think of it like a middleman between you and the stock market, like a tiny investor fairy godmother (minus the pumpkin carriage). There are tons of options out there, so do your research and pick one that tickles your funny bone – or at least has a user-friendly app.
Warning: Avoid shady online brokerages promising to make you a millionaire overnight. They're about as reliable as a self-lacing shoe that constantly trips you.
Tip: Read aloud to improve understanding.
Step 2: Operation: Find AMZN
Now that you're equipped with your fancy new brokerage account, it's time to find the Holy Grail: Amazon stock. Its ticker symbol is AMZN, so type it in that little search bar and prepare to be dazzled by its current price (hopefully it's not higher than a Bezos rocket launch).
Pro Tip: Don't be intimidated by the fancy charts and numbers. Just imagine it's a game where you're buying tiny pieces of Amazon, and the more you buy, the more you win...imaginary points!
Tip: Pause whenever something stands out.
Step 3: Do You Want Fries With That Stock? (The Order Types)
Alright, you've found AMZN, and you're ready to hit that buy button. But wait! There's a crucial decision to make: what kind of order do you want to place?
 |
- Market Order: This is the fast-food drive-thru option. You tell them what you want (number of shares) and they give it to you at the current price, no questions asked.
- Limit Order: This is the picky eater option. You say, "I only want AMZN if the price is below $X," and the brokerage holds your hand until that magical price appears.
Remember: There's no right or wrong answer, but do some research to understand which order type is best for you.
QuickTip: Repetition reinforces learning.
Step 4: Congratulations! You Basically Own Amazon (Well, a Tiny Piece of It)
You've done it! You're a part-owner of the retail giant. Now, here's the fun part: watching the value of your stock go up and down (hopefully mostly up). Just remember, investing involves risk, so don't go spending all your Bezos Bucks on a solid-gold toilet seat just yet (unless that's your thing, no judgement).
Bonus Round: Owning Stock vs. Actually Working at Amazon
QuickTip: Skim slowly, read deeply.
Let's be honest, clicking "buy" is a lot easier than packing boxes in a warehouse. So, while you might not get the free employee discount or questionable cafeteria food, you get to be an owner without the backache.
So there you have it! This handy-dandy guide has turned you from an Amazon shopper into a sophisticated investor. Now go forth and conquer the stock market, one share of AMZN at a time!
 |
