How to Totally Snag that Elusive Blue Checkmark on Instagram: A Guide for the Clueless (and Slightly Desperate)
Ah, the blue checkmark. The holy grail of Instagram. The tiny badge that separates the mere mortals from the certified awesome (or at least that's what your grandma thinks). But my friends, fear not! Because even though getting verified feels about as likely as winning the lottery while simultaneously being struck by lightning, with a little effort (and maybe a dash of delusion), you too can achieve that coveted blue bling.
Step 1: Be Beyonce (or at least pretend to be)
Let's be honest, the blue checkmark is basically a sign that says, "Hey everyone, this person is definitely not a catfish!" So, the first step is to convince Instagram that you are, in fact, a person of great importance. Think politicians, celebrities, your super cool aunt who runs a dog bakery. If you can't fake it, well, that's what photoshop is for (disclaimer: don't actually do that).
Tip: Scroll slowly when the content gets detailed.
Step 1a: Master the Art of Self-Importance
Act like the blue checkmark is your birthright, not some fancy badge. Casually drop hints about your "busy schedule" and all those "important meetings" you have. Name-drop celebrities you've definitely never met. (Side note: this might backfire spectacularly, but hey, desperate times call for desperate measures)
QuickTip: Repetition signals what matters most.
Step 2: Content is King (or Queen, or They/Them)
Now, listen up. Just because you're (pretending to be) Beyonce doesn't mean you can post blurry pictures of your breakfast cereal and expect verification. Up your content game! Hilarious memes? Check. Stunning travel photos? Double check. Deep philosophical musings? Ehhhh, maybe hold off on that one for now.
Tip: Reread if it feels confusing.
Step 3: Become a Social Butterfly (Without Leaving Your Couch)
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Here's the thing: Instagram loves accounts that people are talking about. So, get out there and engage with your audience! Respond to comments, even the weird ones (within reason). Start feuds with other influencers (but only the kind that will get you attention, not cancelled). Basically, turn your comment section into a reality TV show.
QuickTip: Keep going — the next point may connect.
Step 4: The Verification Request: A Journey into the Unknown
Alright, so you've convinced everyone (or at least yourself) that you're Insta-famous. Now it's time to submit the official verification request. Be prepared for a journey filled with suspense, maybe a few tears, and a whole lot of radio silence from Instagram.
Step 5: Acceptance (or Denial, We Don't Judge)
Congratulations! You've either been blessed with the blue checkmark or...well, not. **If you do get verified, brag about it to literally everyone you know. If you don't...dust yourself off, and get ready to try again because us mere mortals have to work a little harder for our internet validation.
**Remember, friends, the blue checkmark is a journey, not a destination. **Embrace the absurdity, have fun, and who knows, maybe someday your face will be gracing Instagram next to Kim Kardashian's. (Although, maybe not right next to it...)
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