How to Get That Elusive Blue Checkmark on Instagram: A Totally Serious Guide (with Tongue Firmly in Cheek)
Ah, the blue checkmark. The holy grail of Instagram. The tiny badge that separates the mere mortals from the certified awesome (or at least that's what your grandma thinks). But my friends, fear not! Because today, I'm here to spill the tea, crack the code, and unravel the mystery of getting verified on Instagram. Easy peasy, lemon squeezy, right? Well, not exactly. But hey, with a little effort, a sprinkle of magic, and a whole lot of shameless self-promotion, you too can join the ranks of the verified elite (or at least look really good trying).
Step 1: Be Beyonce (or at least pretend to be)
Let's be honest, the number one reason people get verified is because they're, well, famous. We're talking A-listers, global brands, and your neighbor who somehow keeps going viral for his cat's impressive napping skills. So, the first step is to amp up your celebrity status. Channel your inner Beyonce, strike a pose like Kim Kardashian, and maybe even learn how to skateboard like Tony Hawk (safety first, people!). Just remember, the more recognizable you are, the better your chances.
QuickTip: Read step by step, not all at once.
Step 2: Master the Art of The Humblebrag
Now, you might not be Beyonce (shocking, I know), but that doesn't mean you can't play the part. Here's where the humblebrag comes in. Casually mention that you were featured in your local newspaper for, uh, your collection of antique spoons (it's a unique hobby!). Subtly drop hints about your "upcoming" collaboration with a major brand (psst, it's totally your friend's Etsy shop). The key is to make it seem like you're constantly on the cusp of greatness, without actually being, well, great.
QuickTip: Break reading into digestible chunks.
Step 3: The Power of the Squad (and by Squad, We Mean Fake Followers)
Let's face it, Instagram is a numbers game. The more followers you have, the more important you must be, right? So, what's a wannabe-influencer to do? Here's where things get a little... shall we say, creative. (Disclaimer: I do not, in any way, condone buying followers. It's a bad look, and Instagram will see right through it.) But hey, if you accidentally stumble upon a website selling a million followers for the low, low price of your dignity, that's totally on you. Just remember, Instagram can smell desperation from a mile away.
QuickTip: Skim first, then reread for depth.
 |
 |
| How To Get Verified On Instagram Easy |
Step 4: Operation "Like and Be Liked"
Tip: Read aloud to improve understanding.
Here's a secret: engagement is key. Instagram wants to see people interacting with your content, so get out there and like, comment, and share like your life depends on it (well, kind of). Become a social butterfly, flitting from post to post, leaving a trail of supportive comments in your wake. Bonus points for befriending actual celebrities and leaving comments like, "OMG Slay Queen! #friendshipgoals."
Step 5: The Verification Fairy (Does Not Actually Exist)
Now, after all that effort, you've gotta submit the official verification request. But here's the thing: Instagram is pretty tight-lipped about the exact criteria. It's like waiting for a college acceptance letter, only instead of stressing about grades, you're stressing about whether your cat video was meme-worthy enough. Just fill out the form, pray to the Verification Fairy (who may or may not exist), and hope for the best.
Congratulations! You're (Probably Not) Verified!
So, there you have it! The foolproof (cough, cough) guide to getting verified on Instagram. Remember, it's all about confidence, creativity, and a healthy dose of delusion. And hey, even if you don't get that blue checkmark, you'll at least have a hilarious story to tell (and maybe a few new followers who appreciate your sense of humor). Now go forth and conquer, my fellow verification hopefuls! Just, you know, try not to break the internet while you're at it.
 |
