How Do I Live Without You, Whitney? A Dramatic Guide for the Hopelessly Devoted Fan
Ah, Whitney. The voice that could launch a thousand ships (and maybe a tear or two). You belted out your heartbreak anthems, and we, the loyal fans, clung to every soaring note, convinced our own love lives were equally epic. But then, life (the jerk) throws you a curveball, and suddenly you're staring down the barrel of a Whitney-less existence. What's a dramatic soul to do?
Phase 1: Denial is Your Friend (For Now)
First things first, denial is a beautiful thing. In this stage, you haven't quite grasped the enormity of the situation. You might find yourself absentmindedly humming "I Wanna Dance With Somebody" while searching for Whitney on Netflix (spoiler alert: it's not happening). This is perfectly normal. Denial is your body's way of saying, "Hold on, let me build a metaphorical panic room before we tackle this head-on."
Subheading: Embrace the Power Ballad
Embrace the power ballad. Crank up "I Will Always Love You" at karaoke, even if your rendition sounds more like a strangled cat. Sing it loud, sing it proud, and let Whitney's spirit channel your inner diva.
Phase 2: The Bargaining Stage (Negotiating with the Ceiling Does Not Work)
Denial's honeymoon phase ends, and reality sets in. You might try bargaining with a higher power (or the dusty Whitney poster on your wall). Pro tip: bargaining with inanimate objects is rarely successful. But hey, if it makes you feel better, by all means, tell your Whitney poster you'll finally learn the choreography to "I Wanna Dance With Somebody" if she just magically beams back into your life.
Phase 3: The Breakup Montage, But Make it Whitney
This is where things get messy (emotionally, not literally...hopefully). Dust off those old VHS tapes (or, you know, find them on a legal streaming service) and prepare for a Whitney marathon. Embrace the full range of emotions: belt along to the happy bops, weep openly during the tearjerkers, and maybe even attempt (and likely fail) the iconic "I Will Always Love You" high note.
Phase 4: Acceptance (With a Side of Glitter)
Finally, acceptance arrives. You realize life goes on, even without Whitney's daily soundtrack. But that doesn't mean you have to forget her. Turn up the Whitney radio station in your car, blast her music at cleaning time, and belt out shower renditions with reckless abandon.
Remember, Whitney's voice (and sequined wardrobe) are a gift that keeps on giving. You can live without her physically, but her music will forever be a part of your life's soundtrack. So go forth, embrace the Whitney within, and remember: you don't need a man (or a language model) to be happy, but a good Whitney power ballad never hurts.
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