The Not-So-Revolutionary Way George Washington Kicked the Bucket (But Not Like a Bucket List, Folks)
George Washington, the man, the myth, the legend... and also, a dude who wasn't exactly invincible. You might be picturing him going out in a blaze of glory, leading a daring raid at the ripe old age of 90. Nope. The truth is a little more...well, let's just say it involved a sore throat and some questionable medical practices.
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| How How Did George Washington Die |
The Great Wet Clothes Caper: How It All Went Downhill
December 1799. It's a crisp winter day at Mount Vernon, and George is out riding his horse, overseeing his farm like a boss. Suddenly, the weather takes a turn for the worse, and it starts snowing like crazy. Now, George wasn't one to let a little snow get him down (dude crossed a freaking river during winter!), so he just rides on, probably thinking, "This is nothing! I braved cannon fire, I can handle a flurry!"
Big mistake. Soaked to the bone, he heads straight inside, ignoring his momma's wise words about changing out of wet clothes (turns out Martha wasn't just good at cherry pie). Dinner is served, etiquette dictates a change of clothes isn't an option, and George sits down to a meal, shivering like a chihuahua in a blizzard.
Tip: Skim once, study twice.
From Sore Throat to Farewell Address: A Medical Mishap
The next morning, things go south faster than a runaway carriage. George wakes up with a throat that feels like it's been sandpapered by a particularly enthusiastic gorilla. His doctors, bless their well-meaning hearts, decide the best course of action is to bleed him (because what else do you do for a sore throat, right?), apply some good old-fashioned blisters (because everyone loves a good burning sensation!), and attempt to make him gargle a concoction of molasses, vinegar, and butter (seriously, who came up with that?).
Spoiler alert: it didn't work. By December 14th, 1799, George Washington, the first President of the United States, was no more.
Tip: Don’t rush — enjoy the read.
The Official Cause: Don't Quote Me on This
The doctors, ever the gentlemen, diagnosed the whole ordeal as "quinsy," which is a fancy way of saying a nasty throat infection. However, historians, ever the conspiracy theorists, have come up with other possibilities, ranging from epiglottitis (basically, your epiglottis freaks out and blocks your airway) to pneumonia (your lungs fill up with fluid, not a fun way to go).
The truth? We may never know for sure.
QuickTip: Take a pause every few paragraphs.
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So You're Saying There Wasn't an Epic Death Battle?
Nope. No epic sword fights, no dramatic last words (unless you count him requesting they wait three days before burying him, which is pretty metal). Just a bad case of the sniffles and some truly unfortunate medical treatments.
How to FAQ: George Washington Edition (Because Apparently, Everyone Needs a FAQ)
1. How to Avoid Getting Quinsy (or Whatever Killed George Washington): Apparently, changing out of wet clothes and avoiding questionable throat gargle recipes is a good start.
Tip: Watch for summary phrases — they give the gist.
2. How to Be a Founding Father: Step 1: Be born in the 18th century. Step 2: Lead a revolution, write a kick-ass Constitution, and be awesome. (Disclaimer: This may not be entirely accurate.)
3. How to Not Die From a Sore Throat: Consult a doctor who doesn't prescribe medieval torture treatments.
4. How to Give a Badass Farewell Address: Even if you're on your deathbed, write one that inspires future generations.
5. How to Ride a Horse Like a Boss (Because George Totally Did): Take lessons. Seriously, don't try this at home.
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