So You Want to Survive the Subway Clicker Games? A Guide for the Not-So-Endowed with Bravery
Ah, the subway. A place of wonder, despair, and the occasional existential crisis thanks to questionable delays and questionable performers (interpretive dance involving a traffic cone, anyone?). But in the post-apocalyptic world of fiction, the subway becomes a whole new level of terrifying. Enter the Clickers. Those echolocation-wielding, fungus-faced nightmares that would make your grandma reconsider that basement full of Tupperware.
But fear not, fellow wastelander! This guide, brought to you by someone who definitely isn't trembling in their metaphorical boots, will equip you with the knowledge (and maybe a smidge of delusion) to navigate the clicker-infested subway like a champ.
QuickTip: Read a little, pause, then continue.
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| How To Get Past The Clickers In The Subway |
1. Stealth is Your Best Friend (Unless You Brought a Flamethrower)
Here's the thing: Clickers can't see well. Like, at all. They rely on that creepy clicking sound to locate prey, which means clomping around in your apocalypse high heels is a big no-no.
QuickTip: Take a pause every few paragraphs.
- Translation: Crouch low, hug the shadows, and move like a ninja...except way clumsier because, you know, apocalypse and all.
Bonus Tip: If you absolutely must unleash your inner fashionista, consider clicker-repellent Crocs. Just spitballin' here.
QuickTip: Short pauses improve understanding.
2. The Art of Distraction: Because Shiny Things Are Fun!
Let's face it, sometimes sneaking by just isn't an option. Those clickers have a nose for trouble (and probably expired lunchmeat). In these situations, distraction is your best friend.
QuickTip: Don’t just consume — reflect.
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- Think: Throwing a brick, a bottle, your slightly moldy spork - anything to lure the clicker away from your intended path. Just remember, whatever you chuck, make sure it doesn't land at your feet. Nobody likes a startled clicker surprise.
Pro Tip: If you're feeling fancy, craft some pipe bombs. Nothing says "strategic distraction" quite like a mini-explosion (safety not guaranteed).
3. Fight or Flight? A Guide for the Panicked
Okay, so sometimes distractions fail, bricks fly back in your face, and you're staring down a clicker with a serious case of the hangry. Now what?
- Option A: Flight - Run like the wind! Just make sure you know where you're going (unless outrunning a clicker is your hidden talent, in which case, kudos!).
- Option B: Fight - If you're packing some serious firepower (or a conveniently placed rusty pipe), this might be your only option. Just remember, clickers are tough. Like, nightmare-fuel tough. Choose this path wisely.
Important Note: This guide does not endorse hand-to-clicker combat. It is highly inadvisable and may result in the removal of various limbs.
FAQ: Clicker-Dodging Edition
- How to Befriend a Clicker? While this might sound like a good idea for emotional support, clickers are notoriously bad conversationalists (and even worse huggers). Avoid at all costs.
- How to Make Clicker Sounds? Trust us, you don't want to attract any attention. Unless you're auditioning for a horror movie, stick to silence.
- How to Ride a Clicker Like a Zombie-Unicorn? This falls under the category of "Very Bad Ideas."
- How to Start a Clicker Petting Zoo? Again, terrible idea. These are not cuddly creatures.
- How to Use Clickers for Target Practice? While tempting, this might anger the clicker horde. Not recommended.
Remember, surviving the clicker-infested subway is all about using your wits (and maybe a strategically placed banana peel). Stay safe out there, wastelanders!
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