The Key Bridge: A Tale of Steel and Sadness
So, you want to know how long the Baltimore Key Bridge was? Well, buckle up, buttercup, because this is a story of epic proportions (or lack thereof, as the case may be).
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| How Long Baltimore Key Bridge |
A Bridge Too Far?
Let's get one thing straight: the Baltimore Key Bridge was not a marathon. It wasn't even a particularly long jog. At a measly 1.6 miles, it was more like a brisk power walk. Yes, you read that right. A bridge that took decades to build, millions of dollars to maintain, and caused countless traffic jams was essentially a glorified sidewalk.
Tip: Read the whole thing before forming an opinion.
Now, I know what you're thinking: "But wait, it was the second-longest bridge in Baltimore!" And to that, I say: so what? Baltimore's not exactly known for its bridge-building prowess. I mean, they couldn't even keep this one standing for more than 40 years. Talk about a bridge fail!
Tip: Reread the opening if you feel lost.
The Day the Music Died (Okay, Not Really)
We all remember that fateful day in March 2024 when the Key Bridge decided to take a swan dive into the harbor. It was like a scene from a disaster movie, but without the gratuitous explosions and heroic rescues. Just a bunch of cars going "SPLASH!"
Tip: Keep your attention on the main thread.
And let's not forget the poor boat that caused the whole mess. I mean, who the heck steers a giant ship into a bridge? That's like trying to park a bus in a shoebox. Way to go, captain!
QuickTip: Break reading into digestible chunks.
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The Road to Recovery (or Not)
Now, the city of Baltimore has a lovely dilemma on its hands: how to rebuild a bridge that probably wasn't worth building in the first place. Do they go bigger this time? Maybe make it a skyway or something? Or do they just give up on bridges altogether and invest in a fleet of gondolas?
Only time will tell. But one thing's for sure: traffic in Baltimore is about to get a whole lot worse. So, if you're planning a visit, bring a good book.
How to... Key Bridge Edition
- How to avoid traffic in Baltimore: Teleport. Seriously, it's your best bet.
- How to become a bridge engineer: Don't. Unless you enjoy sleepless nights and existential crises.
- How to feel sorry for the Key Bridge: Don't. It had a good run.
- How to plan a scenic route around Baltimore: Take a boat. Or a plane. Anything but a car.
- How to appreciate the irony of a bridge named after the author of the Star-Spangled Banner: Just think about it. It’s pretty poetic, right?
So there you have it, folks. The tragic tale of the Baltimore Key Bridge. May it rest in peace (or pieces, as the case may be).
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