The Great Portland Snowpocalypse of... Nevermind, It Didn't Happen
Did you wake up yesterday morning, bleary-eyed and reaching for a steaming mug of cocoa, only to be greeted by a blinding blanket of white? Did you spend the next hour digging your car out of a snowdrift, all the while muttering about this crazy Oregon weather?
Hold on to your hats (because apparently, you won't need them!)
Because the truth is, dear reader, there was no snowpocalypse in Portland yesterday. Not a single snowflake fell to mar the balmy July sunshine.
Now, before you rush to social media to accuse us of "fake news," let's rewind a bit. There were some whispers (or maybe more like confused shouts) online about a snowstorm. Turns out, someone got a little overzealous with their home snow cone machine, and the flurry of shaved ice on social media caused a mini-blizzard of panic.
Tip: Reading with intent makes content stick.
But fear not, fellow Portlandians! The only thing deep-freezing this week will be your air conditioning unit battling the record-breaking heat.
However, if you're STILL craving a winter wonderland experience, here are a few options:
- Head to the grocery store and stock up on the frozen food aisle. Build a snowman out of frozen peas – it's practically the same, right?
- Channel your inner Jack Frost with a particularly frosty beverage. Bonus points for using a snowflake-shaped ice cube tray.
- Fire up the AC, crank up the holiday tunes, and pretend it's a winter wonderland outside. We won't judge (much).
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| How Many Inches Of Snow Did Portland Get Yesterday |
Frequently Asked Questions (Because Apparently, We Need Them)
How to deal with the crushing disappointment of no snow day?
QuickTip: Treat each section as a mini-guide.
Retail therapy is always a good option. Or, you could channel your energy into planning the most epic summer adventure ever.
How to properly operate a snow cone machine (to avoid mass panic)?
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First rule: Keep it far, far away from social media. Second, enjoy your icy treats responsibly.
Reminder: Take a short break if the post feels long.
How to prepare for the actual snowpocalypse that may (or may not) hit Portland someday?
Invest in a good pair of boots, a cozy blanket, and a stockpile of hot cocoa. But mostly, just relax and enjoy the beautiful (and very much not snowy) weather we have now.
How to tell the difference between a real snowstorm and a social media snowstorm?
Tip: Stop when confused — clarity comes with patience.
Look outside. If you see white stuff falling from the sky, it's probably a real snowstorm. If you see a flurry of confused tweets, it's definitely social media at work.
How to convince your friends you braved a snowstorm to get your morning coffee?
Just say you spilled your drink and had to make a "snow angel" to clean it up. They'll never know the difference. (We won't tell).
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