So You Want Out of Bean Town? A (Mostly) Comedic Guide to Divorce in Boston, MA
Let's face it, sometimes a city steeped in history and chowder can't quite mend a broken heart. If you've found yourself saying "I married a Fenway fanatic, not a divorce lawyer" a little too often, then this guide is for you. Buckle up, buttercup, because we're taking a not-so-scenic ride through the process of untying the knot in Boston.
Step 1: Accepting You're Not a Dunkin' Couple
Look, we all love a good Dunkin' run, but that doesn't mean you and your spouse are destined to be together forever. Denial is a powerful drug (almost as strong as a large iced coffee), but facing the facts is crucial. Is it really "irreconcilable differences" or are you just tired of explaining the difference between a rotary and a traffic light? Be honest with yourself, this isn't a summer fling gone wrong, it's curtains for the marriage.
QuickTip: Re-reading helps retention.
Step 2: Lawyer Up, But Not Like a Red Sox Fan After a Walk-Off
Okay, maybe ditch the foam tomahawk this time. You'll need a lawyer, but a calm and collected one who can navigate the legalese of divorce court. Don't worry, they won't judge your questionable Red Sox fashion choices (too much).
QuickTip: Repetition signals what matters most.
There are two main types of divorce in Massachusetts:
- The "We Can Be Friends (Except on Facebook)" Divorce: This is the no-fault divorce, where you and your soon-to-be-ex agree on everything (division of assets, custody if applicable). Think of it as the "clean break" – like finally getting all the sprinkles out of your Fenway seat.
- The "Don't Let the Door Hit You on the Way Out" Divorce: This is the contested divorce, where, well, things get a little less civil. Think "Yawkey Way traffic jam" levels of messy.
Step 3: The Paper Trail is Longer Than the Freedom Trail
QuickTip: Absorb ideas one at a time.
Get ready to dust off your high school filing skills. There will be forms, glorious forms, detailing everything from who gets the commemorative lobster trap to who keeps the collection of "Boston Strong" T-shirts.
 |
Step 4: The Waiting Game (Because Nobody Likes a Fair Ball)
QuickTip: Reread for hidden meaning.
Even if you hit a home run with your agreement, there's a waiting period before the judge declares you officially single. It's like the offseason – a time for reflection and maybe scoring some free agency deals (not that kind!).
Step 5: You're Free! (But Now You Have to Find a New Red Sox Watching Buddy)
Congratulations! You've survived the divorce labyrinth. Now, the fun part: figuring out what to do with all that newfound freedom. Maybe finally try a different coffee place, or, you know, move to a city with a more user-friendly traffic system (just kidding, Boston!).
FAQ: How to Get a Divorce in Boston, MA (The Quick and Dirty)
- How to know if I qualify for a divorce in Massachusetts? You need to have lived in the state for at least a year.
- How to file for divorce? Get a lawyer, they'll walk you through the process (and the paperwork!).
- How much does a divorce cost? Costs vary depending on your situation, but lawyer fees and court filing fees can add up.
- How long does a divorce take? Uncontested divorces are generally faster (think months), contested ones can take much longer (think years).
- How to get through a divorce emotionally? Lawyer can't help you here. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family, and maybe consider therapy.
Remember, this is just a lighthearted overview. Divorce is a serious matter, so don't be afraid to seek professional guidance throughout the process. But hey, at least you won't have to argue about who gets to park the car on Marathon Monday anymore. Good luck!
 |
