Conquering Chicago: Souvenir Smackdown - What NOT to Bring Back (and What Definitely Should)
So you've braved the Windy City, dodged the flying tumbleweeds (because, let's face it, that lake wind can be a beast), and crammed your face with enough deep dish pizza to fuel a small nation. Now comes the real challenge: what NOT to bring home that screams "tourist trap" louder than a blues singer with a microphone issue? Fear not, intrepid traveler, for I, your trusty guide (who may or may not have gotten lost in a corn maze once), am here to navigate the souvenir jungle.
Note: Skipping ahead? Don’t miss the middle sections.
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| What To Bring Home From Chicago |
The "Do Not Pass Go" Pile
Tip: Reading twice doubles clarity.
- The Cloud Bean Replica (made entirely of toothpicks): Yes, Cloud Gate (affectionately nicknamed "The Bean") is pretty darn cool. But trust me, unless you're aiming to win "World's Most Questionable Use of Toothpicks" award, this one's a hard pass.
- The Deep Dish on a Stick: Because who wouldn't want a precariously balanced, lukewarm pizza monstrosity that defies the laws of physics (and taste)? Just… no.
- Anything with "Chicago" Bedazzled Onto It: Unless you're attending a drag queen brunch competition, tone down the bedazzlement. A simple postcard or tote bag will do.
Treasure Trove Triumphs: Bringing Back Windy City Wins
Tip: Reread slowly for better memory.
- Garret Popcorn Shops: Forget the kind of popcorn that resembles packing peanuts. This Chicago staple boasts flavors like Garrett Mix (cheese and caramel) and Chicago Mix (cheese and caramel with a spicy kick). Warning: extreme snackage potential.
- Koval Distillery Spirits: Homegrown hooch! This award-winning distillery offers unique gins, whiskeys, and liqueurs perfect for the discerning drinker (or anyone who wants to impress their friends with a fancy bottle).
- Chicago-Themed Board Games: Take a break from Candyland and indulge in a Windy City-themed board game night. Options include a Frank Lloyd Wright architecture game or a gangster-themed monopoly.
- Local Art and Crafts: From quirky prints to handmade jewelry, explore local markets and boutiques for unique souvenirs that capture the city's creative spirit.
QuickTip: Read with curiosity — ask ‘why’ often.
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Bonus Round: The "Foodie Finds"
- Lou Malnati's Frozen Pizza: Craving that deep dish goodness back home? Lou Malnati's sells frozen versions that you can bake to melty, cheesy perfection.
- Spiegel's Nuts: These Chicago-born nuts are roasted to perfection and come in a variety of flavors (cashews, almonds, pecans, oh my!). Perfect for on-the-go snacking or fancy charcuterie boards.
How-To FAQs for the Discerning Souvenir Seeker
- How to Avoid Tourist Traps? Do your research! Look for locally-owned shops and markets, and steer clear of places with rows of identical keychains.
- How to Pack Fragile Goodies? Pad delicate items like chocolates or art prints with bubble wrap or clothing.
- How to Deal with Picky Eaters? Garrett Popcorn offers a variety of flavors, so there's something for everyone (even the "plain butter only" crowd).
- How Much Popcorn is Too Much Popcorn? There's no such thing. But seriously, portion control is key (unless you want to spend the rest of the flight with heartburn).
- How to Explain the Cloud Bean Replica Made of Toothpicks to Customs? Maybe just… don't bring it. A picture is worth a thousand toothpicks, right?
So there you have it, folks! With these tips, you'll be a souvenir savant, bringing home treasures that won't make you cringe or confuse customs agents. Now get out there and conquer Chicago (and its souvenir selection)!
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