The Great Subway Bathroom Saga: A Tale of Urban Plumbing
New York City. The city that never sleeps, where dreams are made of concrete and the subway is a living, breathing organism with a mind of its own. And like any living organism, it has its bodily functions. Or, rather, lack thereof.
The Golden Age of Subway Restrooms (or, Lack Thereof)
Let's take a trip down memory lane, shall we? A time when the subway was a place where you could actually relieve yourself. Yes, folks, there was a time when our subterranean transit system was equipped with facilities that catered to the most basic human needs. A time when you didn't have to plan your subway rides around your bladder's capacity. Ah, the good old days.
But alas, those days are long gone. The subway bathrooms of yore have become as mythical as the Loch Ness Monster. Some say they were abducted by aliens. Others claim they were sacrificed to the subway gods in a desperate plea for on-time service. Whatever the truth, they're gone, and we're left to fend for ourselves.
The Modern Dilemma: Holding It In
So, you're on the subway, minding your own business, when nature calls. The familiar urgency creeps up on you, and you realize with a sinking feeling that the nearest bathroom is about as close as the nearest moon. What do you do?
- Option 1: The Houdini Maneuver: You channel your inner escape artist and somehow manage to hold it in until you reach your destination. This requires iron willpower, a strong bladder, and possibly a bit of yoga.
- Option 2: The Desperate Dash: You disembark at the next stop and embark on a frantic search for a public restroom. This option is fraught with peril, as you risk missing your train, getting lost, or encountering questionable hygiene conditions.
- Option 3: The Subway Seat Sacrifice: This is a last resort, and it should only be attempted in extreme circumstances. It's not pretty, and it's definitely not recommended.
A glimmer of hope?
Thankfully, the MTA has recognized the dire situation and has started to reopen some bathrooms. It's a small step, but it's a step in the right direction. Perhaps one day, we'll once again be able to ride the subway without fear of incontinence. Until then, let's all do our part to keep the subway clean and respectful for everyone.
How to...
- How to find a subway bathroom: Check the MTA website for a list of stations with open bathrooms. Your bladder will thank you.
- How to hold it in: Practice deep breathing, meditation, or counting sheep. Or, you know, just don't drink too much water before your commute.
- How to avoid using the subway seat: Well, this one's pretty self-explanatory.
- How to politely ask someone to move over: "Excuse me, would you mind moving over a bit? I'm starting to feel a little cramped."
- How to appreciate the MTA's efforts: A simple "thank you" goes a long way.