Houston: The Concrete Jungle Where It Never Rains
Houston, we have a problem...or rather, we don’t have a problem. A water problem, that is. You see, Houston has a peculiar relationship with rain. It’s like that flaky friend who promises to show up but never does. Or maybe Houston is more like a cat - independent, aloof, and completely indifferent to your pleas for moisture.
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| When Is The Last Time It Rained In Houston |
The Great Houston Drought of Forever
I’m starting to think the last time it rained in Houston, dinosaurs were still roaming the Earth. Okay, maybe that’s a slight exaggeration, but it sure feels like it. The city has transformed into a giant, sun-baked oven, and the only thing evaporating faster than the water in your pool is your hopes for a refreshing shower.
Tip: Stop when you find something useful.
Side note: If you find a dinosaur bone while digging for buried treasure in your backyard, please don’t call the police. Just send it my way. I'll handle it.
QuickTip: Slow down when you hit numbers or data.
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Is Houston Turning into a Desert?
I’ve seen more puddles in the Sahara than in Houston lately. People are starting to grow cacti on their balconies, and the local wildlife is looking increasingly confused. Squirrels are hoarding acorns like they’re preparing for a decade-long drought, and the birds are learning to catch bugs mid-air because there are no more puddles to drink from.
Tip: Avoid distractions — stay in the post.
How to Survive the Houston Heatwave
Look, I can’t promise to make it rain, but I can offer some survival tips:
Tip: Compare what you read here with other sources.
- Embrace the heat: Become one with the sun. Start meditating in your backyard. Develop a deep connection with your inner lizard.
- Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate: Drink more water than a fish. Invest in a personal humidifier. Consider installing a waterfall in your living room.
- Find shade: Become a professional nap-taker. Master the art of lounging under trees. Build a fort out of umbrellas.
How to...
- How to predict rain in Houston: Don’t bother. Just check the lottery numbers instead.
- How to survive a Houston summer: See above.
- How to build a personal oasis in Houston: Invest in a really good air conditioner.
- How to convince Houston to rain: Sacrifice a goat to the rain gods. (Disclaimer: I cannot guarantee results.)
- How to find water in Houston: Check your faucets. If it’s not coming out, you might be living in a desert.
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