The Great Chicago Gun Guessing Game: How Many Pew-Pews Are Out There?
Ah, Chicago. City of wind, deep dish pizza, and... a whole lotta guns, at least according to the whispers on the breeze. But how many illegal firearms are we talking about exactly? Buckle up, citizens, because this is where things get a little wild.
The Official Count: By the Numbers (But Not Really)
The Chicago PD, bless their cotton socks, keeps track of the number of guns they snag off the streets every year. In 2022, they hit a whopping 10,126! That's a heck of a lot of firepower. But here's the rub: that's just the tip of the iceberg. Those are just the ones the good guys find, folks.
The Unofficial Count: Entering Speculation Station
Now, some folks, like a certain unnamed law enforcement source (wink wink), believe the real number of illegal firearms in Chicago could be north of half a million. Half a million! That's enough to arm a small army... or a very enthusiastic cosplay convention.
So, how many illegal guns are ACTUALLY there?
Truth is, nobody knows for sure. It's like trying to count pigeons in a park after a free pretzel handout. They're everywhere, and they're not exactly lining up to be registered.
But hey, that doesn't mean we can't have some fun with it! Here are some totally-not-scientific methods for estimating Chicago's illegal gun population:
- The "Chicago River Shuffle": Every time you hear a splash in the Chicago River, assume it's a gun. Add one to the count. (Please note: This method may also include rogue cellphones and drunken hot dog vendors)
- The "Gangster Rap Lyric Analysis": Analyze the lyrical content of popular Chicago drill rap. Every mention of a "strap" or a "nine" translates to one illegal firearm. (Disclaimer: Not endorsed by mothers everywhere)
- The "Aldermanic Handshake Survey": Firmly shake the hand of every alderman you meet. If their grip is suspiciously strong, that's probably a concealed carry permit. Add one to the count for every suspiciously strong handshake. (Warning: May result in strained wrists and accusations of harassment)
Important Note: These are all completely ridiculous methods and should not be taken seriously. Except maybe the free pretzel idea. That one sounds delicious.
How To FAQs:
How to stay safe in Chicago? Common sense goes a long way. Be aware of your surroundings, trust your gut, and maybe avoid swimming in the Chicago River.
How to get a concealed carry permit in Chicago? This one's a bit tricky. Chicago has some of the strictest gun laws in the country. Getting a permit can be a long and difficult process.
How to report a crime involving a firearm? Call 911 immediately. Don't be a hero.
How to get help if you or someone you know is involved in gun violence? There are many resources available. Check out [website Chicago violence prevention ON Chicago CRED cred.org] for a good starting point.
How to make the best deep dish pizza? Now that's a question I can answer! But that's a story for another time...
