Bridge Over Troubled Water (or Lack Thereof)
So, let's talk about bridges. Not the kind you cross to get to your grandma's house or to avoid traffic, but the kind that, well, don't exist anymore. Specifically, let's chat about the Francis Scott Key Bridge in Baltimore. Remember that one? No? Well, neither did it, after March 26, 2024.
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| What Bridge Collapsed In Baltimore Today |
A Bridge Too Far (or Too Close to a Ship)
You know how they say "ships passing in the night"? Well, this was more like "ship crashes into bridge in the early morning." It was a classic case of "oh, crap, I'm about to hit something" followed by a whole lot of "oh, crap, I just hit something." And that something happened to be a pretty important bridge.
Tip: Focus more on ideas, less on words.
The bridge, mind you, was not thrilled about this sudden, unexpected acquaintance with a large metal vessel. It responded in the only way a bridge can: with a dramatic, if slightly premature, retirement. Just poof - gone. It was like a bridge-sized temper tantrum, except without the toys being thrown.
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The Aftermath: A Real Spill
The aftermath was a bit of a mess, to put it mildly. Cars were involved, people were involved, and the Patapsco River was definitely involved (and not in a good way). It was like a real-life game of Jenga, but with higher stakes and less fun. And let's not forget about the poor ship. It probably felt like it had just gotten into a really bad fender bender, except with a bridge instead of a car.
QuickTip: Don’t ignore the small print.
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Moving On: Bridges and Beyond
The good news is, Baltimore is a resilient city. They're already working on a plan to replace the bridge, which is great because, let's face it, bridges are kind of essential for getting places. Plus, it'll give the construction workers something to do.
QuickTip: Skim slowly, read deeply.
In the meantime, Baltimore residents are probably taking the scenic route to work. Or, you know, just teleworking. Whatever works!
So, what did we learn from this whole ordeal? Well, for one, ships and bridges don't mix. Unless, of course, you're going for a dramatic entrance. Also, bridges are kind of fragile. Who knew? And finally, Baltimoreans are tough as nails.
How To Deal With a Collapsed Bridge (Just Kidding!)
- How to become a bridge: We recommend against this. It's a lot of pressure.
- How to build a bridge out of Legos: Probably easier than you think.
- How to avoid being on a bridge when it collapses: Good luck with that.
- How to order pizza after a bridge collapse: Check if your pizza place delivers by boat.
- How to write a funny post about a bridge collapse: Just be yourself and hope for the best.
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