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Baltimore: Where the Crabs Are Always Racing
So, let’s talk about Baltimore this weekend. If you thought your weekend was eventful, hold onto your crab cakes, because Baltimore had a doozy.
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| What Happened In Baltimore Over The Weekend |
The Good, the Bad, and the Crabby
It’s like the city decided to host a three-day extravaganza of everything from heartwarming to hair-raising. There was something for everyone, really. Unless you’re a fan of chaos and mayhem, in which case, you were in luck!
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The Good:
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- Crab Feast Extravaganza: Baltimoreans, being the seafood lovers they are, decided to up the ante. It was a crab-craze like no other. People were seen carrying buckets of crabs down the street, like they were trophies.
- Unexpected Hero: A local squirrel was spotted rescuing a tiny kitten from a drain. The city's new superhero? We think so.
The Bad:
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- The Great Porch Pirate Pursuit: A rash of porch pirates struck the city. Apparently, people in Baltimore have really good taste in outdoor furniture.
- The Return of the Mothman (Maybe): Several residents reported seeing a large, winged creature with glowing red eyes. We’re not saying it’s Mothman, but we’re not not saying it’s Mothman.
The Crabby:
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- Traffic: Baltimore traffic reached new levels of absurdity. It was like everyone decided to have a spontaneous road trip within city limits.
- The Weather: Mother Nature decided to play a cruel joke, switching between scorching heat and torrential downpours every 15 minutes.
In Conclusion
Baltimore, you never cease to amaze (or frustrate) us. From crab-filled adventures to potential alien encounters, it was a weekend for the books. Or, perhaps, for therapy. But hey, at least it was interesting.
How to:
- How to survive Baltimore traffic: Embrace the chaos, listen to podcasts, and carry an emergency supply of snacks.
- How to avoid being a porch pirate victim: Invest in a sturdy doormat that says "Beware of Overly Protective Dog" (even if you don't have one).
- How to enjoy a crab feast like a pro: Wear old clothes, have plenty of napkins, and master the art of cracking a crab.
- How to prepare for unexpected weather in Baltimore: Own an umbrella, sunscreen, and a raincoat. Always.
- How to become Baltimore's next unexpected hero: Keep your eyes peeled for opportunities to rescue kittens from drains. Or, you know, just be a generally nice person.
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