Where Do the Yankees Sleep When They Come to Houston? A Mystery Fit for Sherlock Holmes
So, you wanna know where the Yankees crash when they're in town to face the Astros, huh? Well, buckle up, buttercup, because this is a mystery that rivals who shot Liberty Valance.
The Great Yankee Hotel Hunt
Now, you'd think this would be easy to answer, right? Just call up the Yankees' general manager and ask, "Hey, where's your team staying?" But alas, it's not that simple. Major League Baseball teams are as secretive about their hotel accommodations as a cat is about its litter box. It's a matter of security, they say. Or maybe they just don't want the crazed Astros fans showing up with a mariachi band and a taco truck at 3 AM.
Theories Abound
There are rumors, of course. Some say they stay in a secret underground bunker near Minute Maid Park, accessed only by a hidden trapdoor in the dugout. Others claim they’re actually clones, and the "Yankees" we see are just robots programmed to play baseball.
But let's be real. They probably stay in a pretty nice hotel, somewhere with room service that delivers pinstriped pajamas and a lifetime supply of New York bagels. Maybe it's the Four Seasons, or the Ritz-Carlton. Or, if they're feeling frugal (which, let's be honest, they probably aren't), they could be slumming it at the Motel 6.
The Real Question
The real question isn't where they stay, but why they come to Houston at all. I mean, New York City has everything: pizza, Broadway shows, and people who wear suits to the grocery store. Why would anyone willingly trade that for our humidity and barbecue? Maybe they're secretly fans of Whataburger.
How to... Yankees Edition
- How to survive a Yankees game in Houston: Bring a hat, sunscreen, and a strong drink. And don't wear blue.
- How to impress a Yankees fan: Learn the words to "New York, New York" and be prepared to sing at a moment's notice.
- How to pretend to be a Yankees fan: Wear a fake mustache and a pinstriped suit. But don't try this if you're in the Bronx.
- How to avoid talking about the Yankees: Change the subject to something universally loved, like taxes or the Kardashians.
- How to enjoy a Yankees game without actually liking the Yankees: Root for the home plate umpire.